I’m writing to you again with the knowledge that you clearly haven’t read my previous correspondence, including this letter, this letter and this video. Since I wrote those letters, you have gone from my worst nightmare as an Opposition Leader, to an even worse nightmare of a Prime Minister. Yet, as I was reminded this week on Twitter, and as I would like to remind anyone who reads this letter, you aren’t a scary monster. Thinking of you as some scary creature underneath the bed is probably not very helpful because it gives you a status you don’t deserve (and I don’t like the idea of you being anywhere near my bed). But seriously Tony, to be scary and feared, you need to be successful. But when you look at your term as Prime Minister so far, it would be inaccurate to suggest you’ve been successful because you clearly have not. A bit like when you interrupted Parliament to say that wreckage from Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 had been found, when it hadn’t. And a bit like when you pretended not to notice 100,000 Australians protesting across the country against you and your government. You just end up looking like a bit of a loser Tony. A pathetic, desperate, not-very-quick-on-his-feet, not very charismatic, not very articulate loser. And that’s why you’re not a monster. Because monsters aren’t desperate losers. So you don’t qualify.
Let’s look at another example of your desperate mode of government, which leaves you and your colleagues exposed as weak. Joe Hockey has clearly embraced the role of yelling-strict-father-star-of-all-conservative-wet-dreams-dictator in his recent reasoning for why huge cuts need to be made to government spending. Apart from the fact that it seems counterproductive for your government to be attacking a segment of the community which you have come to rely on for votes – pensioners – by telling them that they need to get over their sense of entitlement that the pension will support them into retirement, it also seems incredibly hypocritical for you to go after the sense of entitlement of people who have paid tax their whole lives, whilst also giving rich people up to $75,000 for six months of maternity leave. Apologies for the length of the last sentence Tony, but there was no more simple way to explain it. The whole small government versus big government thing you rely on goes up in smoke through this hypocrisy and leaves you looking like an opportunistic, vote-grabbing bastard. Particularly because you said you wouldn’t be cutting pensions, numerous times. So that would make you a liar, would it not?
But that’s not all Tony. You and Joe Hockey keep banging on about spending cuts, whilst completely ignoring revenue issues. Might this be because part of the revenue problem is that Australia hasn’t reaped the benefits we should have from the mining boom? And isn’t the mining tax part of Labor’s solution to fix this mistake? But while you and Joe say over and over again that the government has run out of money and that pensioners are costing too much, wasn’t part of the reason the previous Labor government implemented the mining tax because they wanted to increase the superannuation savings of Australians from 9% – 12%? Wouldn’t that have reduced the reliance of Australians on the pensions when they retire?
Speaking of your ‘run out of money’ line, surely even you can see what a bad look it is to announce that you’re spending $12 billion on Joint Strike Fighter jets in the very same week that you’re preparing the electorate for your ‘it’s time to tighten our belts’ budget. I know you’re disappointed at the criticism you’ve got over this decision, after making it very clear how pro-defence spending you were in the election and after the previous Labor government also supported this project. However, the difference between your government and the Labor government is that Labor didn’t whip up a fear campaign about a budget deficit. Labor didn’t say the government has run out of money. Labor didn’t try to scare the electorate into thinking Australia’s debt levels were going to lead to a default and a Spain and Greece like debt crisis. You chose the austerity for everyone except for Gina Rinehart bed and now you have to lie in it. You’ve been talking about a ‘budget emergency’ to justify cutting health, education and welfare at the very same time as you’re spending thousands of lifetimes of old-aged pensions on imported planes. See what I mean about not being very smart Tony?
And let’s not forget the mess you’re making with your Direct Action Policy. First you say climate change is crap and spend years placing all your eggs in the ‘axe the carbon tax’ basket. But now you’re planning to spend tax-payer funds on a useless, wasteful program that has no guarantee of even being taken up by polluters, let alone reducing emissions. So you’re basically pissing money against a wall, for no community benefit other than a few rich polluters who will be free to rort tax payers by spending government funds to reduce emissions. When these polluters shouldn’t be polluting our atmosphere for free in the first place. This is lunacy Tony. This isn’t the work of someone to be feared. This is the work of a desperate man who has zero credibility.
I know you will never read this Tony, but I feel better just for having written it. You’re not scary. You’re pathetic. And the way you’re going, I’m not going to have to put any effort into my #OneTermTony campaign, because you’re clearly working hard enough for both of us to this end.